In Passing…

Posted on December 16, 2009


I just keep hearing about death.

I swear I never heard about it so much until my Dad passed away exactly 2 months ago today.

I still don’t think that my Dad’s passing has affected me properly just yet. I’ve cried (quite a few times), but I’ve only really had one big break down, which hit me exactly 2 weeks after. I admit that I still feel like crying sometimes, but I always seem to snap myself out of it by thinking of something else.

Yes, I’m the type of person who doesn’t really like to show emotion…

I still wonder how I’ll handle the first Christmas without Dad. Or even the first birthday or Father’s Day. Thinking about it makes me want to cry, but switching over to do something else has, yes, snapped me back out of it (you don’t want to know how long it took to type out this post).

So why have I decided to write this post today? Well, I got an email from a friend saying that one of her friends had just passed away – this girl had gone through either months or years of pain.

So it got me thinking… What’s worse? Is a sudden death better than seeing your loved one suffering long term?

People say that sudden is the worse, but personally, I think seeing your loved one suffering would be the hardest.

Nobody likes to see a loved on in pain. It’s hard enough as it is seeing your loved one suffering for a few hours, so you can only imagine what it would feel like to have to go through it for months or even years, wondering and actually hoping when they’ll finally be able to rest in peace. I would think that the hoping would make you feel even worse, as well as confused – you don’t want them to die but that the same time all you want is for them to go so that they don’t suffer anymore and because, selfishly, you can’t handle seeing them suffer anymore (yes, I know I’m taking a jab at what it would probably feel like, because I haven’t had that sort of experience) – you’re only human.

I’m not saying that seeing your loved one pass suddenly isn’t hard. It is. But at least you don’t have to go through months or years of emotional pain. You don’t have to try to be strong for them – it’s hard enough as it is just trying to be strong for yourself.

For me, the hardest thing about my Dad passing is not having the chance to say “Good-Bye”. But I’m just glad that he didn’t have to go through much pain – I never could handle seeing my Dad struggling, suffering or sad…

Posted in: Ramblings